Monday, November 22, 2004
Dizzy
NO, I did not say ditzy.... Big difference... Huge!
I am totally confused.... I so do not understand why this guy is so very different from all the rest! I mean it is just a guy after all, he has tons of testosterone, just like the rest of them.... He has an ego, just like the rest of them.... Why is he soooo different? Why can't I get him out of my head. On nights that I know that I am going to work with him the next day, I start waking up at like 3:30 in the morning, and the first thing that goes through my head is omg, it must be time to get up. Good Lord!
I am so very used to just not giving two shits about what any guy thinks. I usually find a reason to pick him apart and spit him out in a matter of weeks anyways. This might be totally offensive to some, but it is totally honest and truthful, so if it bothers you, just click the X at the top right. I am totally guarded against anything with testicles. If you are male, and want to be more than just friends... Look out. I will be happy for a couple weeks, (really bored in the back of my head, sometimes just dating for the sheer point of having something to do, not because I am interested) It has been like this for five years, and it is really sort of sad... I don't know if he who shall never be named hurt me so badly that it just took this long to start to "feel" again... Or if I am just so Jaded, that I didn't want to feel again, or if it is some combination of all of the above... What makes this guy stir in me, a tingle of warmth, a yearning to be apart of a working relationship, a partnership, a camaraderie, known only to those who have that special someone... Could I be that lucky, to find someone who really stikes that fancy with me... Is there a chance that I could really find the L word more than once in this life? Dare I wish? Dare I dream? Do I really have the guts to let go, to take the chance and fall? What if he is not there to catch me?
Am I really such a girl, that I have to go through this? I really don't mind being a cold hearted bitch.... I went 11 months with out dating anyone.... Though I missed a few things about being in relationships, they were the same things that I missed even when I was involved... There has only been one to be my other half, to fill those desires, who just simply was a part of me!
Do I jump? Do I take that chance, that I could not get up again?
Okay enough of that mushy shit! I am really not usually that girly.... Draco is now totally mad at me that he does not have his very own sight. When Mooshu speaks, for some reason I hear a French accent.... Draco has a bit of a Spanish twinge when he speaks.... Oh and he says that even Puma is getting all the glory... He wants to know where his little spotlight is... It would have to be little.... 4.7 lbs of dog is not very big... jeeze, I know what I am doing with the first Monday night I have had off since August (other than my surgery) Thanks a lot Bonnie! =p
On the moving front.... "I so exxxxcitteeedddddd!" We went couch shopping, and bought a set, including couch, love seat, and recliner, in the suede material that I love.... And Larry got his bedroom suite.... And then he got a bed a couple of days later.... And not that I was trying to control anything.... But not having a plan for something that is happening in less than a month, was driving me nuts... So we signed a lease at the apartment that we favored... Instead of looking for a house. It is in a good location as far as school and work goes. The only problem that I can see with it is that my family seems to think that it is too close to a bad neighborhood... Oh well... I like it, and Larry liked it, and that is what is important! And it is signed off on now... It is a done deal.... Tonight, my grandparents are giving my mother their king sized bed, and I am getting mom's Queen, which means I will only need a head board and a foot board.... Yeah!
This also solves another problem.... I will have a place to sleep when I visit my mother now. I was worried about moving my stuff in before the first of the year, because I am staying with her through Christmas, but didn't want to wait until the first of the year to move, because
- I am going to be hungover on January one, it is a fact, we have a huge new years eve party every year, and it is like one in three times a year I actually drink....
- and classes start the fourth, I would like to be partially organized by the time classes start.
Well I am going to call it quits... I know you don't want to hear anymore about the forbidden fruit, and that is all that is running through my head right now. I just don't get it...
shes_a_sprite @ 2:48 PM.
Yeah way too much moosy stuff for me. :) Draco does deserve to be in the spot light geez get on with that!!! :)
I am excited that you are moving it will be a blast.
6:15 AM
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